I enjoyed playing golf in earlier years and attempted to swing the irons at least twice a month. On one such occasion, I played at a club in a mining area of South Africa, a picturesque layout with long fairways, surrounded by tall trees and occasionally bordered by large lakes. After completing about a third of the game, alongside one of the fairways, I came across a lake with an island in its centre. Neatly mounted on a sturdy pole on the island perched a “suggestion box”, with printed words underneath also mounted on the pole – “Your suggestions – if you dare”! The message was clear – we don’t want your suggestions. You are welcome to swim out to the island to place your suggestions in the box, but there is a low probability of us swimming out to the island to retrieve them. They are not going to get read!
I understand that the suggestion box placed on an island was probably a joke, but many managers treat suggestions and feedback from their staff in a similar way. They make it difficult for staff to offer suggestions and have an aversion to receiving feedback from those that report in to them. There seems to be a fear of being told that you can improve as a leader and that you have flaws. Many managers thus keep their employees at some distance and don’t open the door for constructive feedback in their relationships with staff.
Of course, all leaders want to hear how wonderful they are and how well they lead. Hearing that one is not perfect or that one’s leadership style can do with some improvement always hurts and is unsettling to say the least. Perhaps the following guidelines may assist the leader when receiving feedback:
- Don’t over-react to the initial “sting” of receiving negative feedback – it will fade. When emotional, it is difficult to process information, so allow the emotion to pass. Give yourself space for this to take place.
- Keep your ego out – your ego can act as an army or security force designed to protect you and your position and as such, may prevent you from hearing potential improvement information.
- Be open to feedback, but wise in its interpretation – not all feedback will be constructive or even accurate, so sift through what you hear, perhaps taking note of helpful information from more experienced and knowledgeable people.
- Create the environment where feedback can be offered in a constructive fashion – set the rules for the way that feedback should be delivered by your staff. Emotional outbursts and finger-pointing are never helpful forms.
Although “feedback is the breakfast of champions”, having feedback delivered well and with no malice makes it palatable and digestible. Feedback, offered constructively, is fertilizer for leadership growth.
It’s interesting to me that the way people receive feedback is also contingent upon their temperament types: for instance, when something happens to some people—they’re told “I think there’s a better way to accomplish this task”—they FEEL it first, and then think about what was actually said. While others may very well THINK first, and feel later.
To me it seems that neither are better or worse—just different, and just called for in different situations. And to be able to adjust one’s temperament accordingly is the outworking of a matured individual.
I’m definitely a “feeler”, so it can be harder to me to THINK first in certain situations and feel later. But, at least I know my natural inclination.
Understanding yourself is certainly a first step towards maturity. When you do understand yourself in the context of receiving feedback, at least you will be aware of your typical responses to developmental issues and be able to take a deep breath to relax to be able to listen objectively.
Kris, how do you GIVE feedback? I would be interested to know if your inclination towards feeling affects that as well…
Yikes! I just now saw that you responded. Well… better late than never:
My tendency to be a “feeler” certainly affects how I give feedback. I’m always anticipating and trying to read how the other person is taking what I’m saying or might be taking it the wrong way, and how to ensure I’m being helpful.
I guess my tendency to “feel” in my own life is projected towards others when I talk to them, viz. trying to discern how they might “feel”.
Perhaps, as feelings for the other person certainly play a role in being objective or not for both parties, one can create the environment where you explain what you are not doing in the feedback session (e.g. I am not attacking you as a person or I am pleased with the quality of the work that you produce, so I am not addressing this). This helps the one receiving the feedback to be more relaxed and objective.